I found this book at the free store and almost didn’t take it. It looked kind of cool, a hand with candy sprinkles all over it. But the description, about a man with an addiction who goes through rehab didn’t sound that exciting. I’ve read a few of those, and they’re mostly over-Christiany, “feel sorry for me, I was led into sin” sob stories. But then I noticed the Oprah’s Book Club seal on the cover and I decided to give it a try. I’ve never read an Oprah’s Book Club book that I didn’t like.

It sat on my shelf for several weeks, and I finally said, ok, I need to read this. And I’m so glad I did.

Far from being your typical addiction sob story, or even your typical biography, this book is written in an experimental style. No quotes, the conversation is just in different paragraphs:

Like this?
Yes, exactly like this.
Oh, I see now.
I’m glad you see.

Those paragraphs, as you can see, are not indented. And several nouns, like Parents, Girl, Brother, Room, are capitalized without apparent reason (but probably means that he sees/saw them as important, concrete, normal, or authoritative. I haven’t made up my mind on that yet). The narrative is in the present tense. There is a feeling of immediacy, a realistic point of view that cannot see the future, and does not see current happenings as part of a process to good. Frey is describing intense emotions, pain, and cravings/longings. He can’t see anything beyond NOW. That makes the whole story more believable, intense, and when you’ve read it, you feel as if you’ve gone through it. He doesn’t say, I felt bad, but he says I feel like shit, I’m throwing up chunks of my stomach. I need (booze, dope, acid, etc.) now. I want to die. When we’re going through bad times in our life, it’s hard to look ahead and say, “because my marriage is breaking up and I’m losing my children and my mother died, I will be able to go back to college and become a famous writer, fall in love with someone much better than me, and my children will come back”. We can’t see the future, so we dwell on the pain. This hurts. This is hell. Make it stop.

Frey is brought to rehab by the combined efforts of his parents and friends after he blacks out and falls down a fire escape. He wakes up on a plane with his face bashed in and has no idea what happened or where he’s going. In Frey’s rehab, he meets some fascinating people. They are all addicts; some are in rehab, others have graduated and returned to help others. Their stories are by turns pathetic, funny, and encouraging, and include Lilly, a former prostitute whose mother sold her virginity for a syringe full of drugs (Frey ends up falling in love with her), Leonard, a former mob boss, and Miles, a current federal judge. Frey himself decides that AA’s system of the 12 steps including submission to a “higher power” will not work for him, and strikes out on his own path to recovery.

One of the best parts of this book is the follow-up at the end. We find out what happens to each person mentioned. Lilly kills herself, tragically, Leonard dies of AIDS, Miles gains back his family and dignity. All of these, plus Frey himself, remain sober. Several others do no have this happy ending, which is at times sad, and at times “just desserts”.

This is an intense book and not one for the squeamish. But it is moving and touching. It tells a true story about what happens when alcohol and drugs gets carried too far, but it doesn’t make excuses and point blame at others.

NOTE: Hmmm…how embarrassing. Since I got this book second-hand several years after its release, I missed all the drama.  It seems that Frey lied about a bunch of stuff, including his whole bad guy act.  Some chunks of the book are completely made up, other facts are stretched to make him look better.  For more info, check out the article here:

MSNBC

The Smoking Gun – lots of detailed info

Oprah’s website – with a transcript of what she said to him on the show after the lies were revealed.