I knew better.  I really did.  And I thought he knew better.  So when my husband asked me to put his half-eaten chicken burrito hot pocket thing in my backpack on our Air Canada flight just before we got off, I gave him one of those looks that you give your husband after 8 years together.  Are you sure about that?  On my numerous flights to and from Belize they always warned us to not bring any open food, meat or fresh produce into either country, even if we got it on the plane.  They hadn’t said anything on this flight, from Germany to Canada.  Still…  “Just put it in. I’m not throwing it away.  Besides, they gave it to us ON THE PLANE.  They don’t care.”

So I stuffed the 1″ by 2″ snack-for-later in a pocket of my backpack, and thought nothing of it.

Until this rather butch-looking woman came up to us with the cutest little beagle.  And the cute little bastard sits next to our bag.  Oh sheisse.

Quick mental inventory.  No guns, no drugs, nothing weird.  Just the goshdarn burrito.   She just puts a label on our bag, and tells us to go to the office down the hall.

Our first introduction to Canadian bureaucracy.  I’m sweating, scared, hoping our son won’t say anything stupid like “Mom, is that bag where you have the raw meat, fresh fruits and unpasteurized milk?”.  They call us up after a short wait.  The young man behind the counter asks for our passports, takes our bag, reads the label, and pulls out the contents.  Granola bars, German Hausbrot, chocolate, and licorice.   And the 1/4 eaten chicken burrito.  I haven’t heard such a condescending tone of voice since I was in 2 (or watching Barney with my son when he was 2).

“Now which one of these does NOT belong in Canada?”

“Uhh…the chicken burrito?”

“Yes.  Yes!  Very good. Now you see, we take these things seriously.  We say ‘store it in your stomach or stow it in the trash’!  Contaminated food products can harm our agriculture and spread disease.  We have to control what things come into our country.  It’s for our safety, and your safety!  ”

If not for the possibility of “contamination”, he might have reached across the counter and patted our naive little American-German heads.

I was so mad, and humiliated.  All over a stupid 3 bites of chicken burrito.  And what happened to it afterwards?  Probably the infernal cute beagle got it as a reward, and defecated its contamination over the doggie run of Montreal’s Dorval airport.

If you fly to Canada, fly Air Canada.  They rock, and have great food.  Enjoy the meals, enjoy the movies, enjoy the flight.  Enjoy Canada!

And don’t forget to eat your chicken burrito!

Read what happened next: The Trans-Canadian Adventure or Three Broke Wannabes in a Greyhound Bus

Do you have a funny, humiliating, or awkward travel story?  Please share below!