It's so sad. But it's so good!

I posted this on my homeschooling list, and they were not impressed.   Do you think I’m a heartless mother for letting my child read “negative, sad” stories?  Or are “Where the Red Fern Grows”, “The Bridge to Terebithia” and other kids stories with sad endings beneficial?

My son (8 years old) finished reading “Where the Red Fern Grows” to himself a couple days ago. You know, typical boy and his dog story.  One dog dies in the end, trying to save him from a mountain lion.  The other dog dies from a broken heart.  It’s a great story, but has a sad ending.  He started crying at the bad part at the end, of course (everyone does! I remember reading this in 4th grade with a class full of tough guys. Every single one of us got up for tissues at the end of about chapter 18). My husband says “you knew the end was like that? And you let him read it?”

Meanwhile, my little boy is wailing “He died! Why did Old Dan have to die!”. We got him to settle down a bit, but here comes the next chapter. “Whaaa!!! Little Ann died too! Why did they have to die?” This was not sympathetic little tears rolling down cheeks. This was full-on sobbing like his real-life dog just died. It was heart-breaking, but also quite funny. It was all we could do to keep from cracking up. But I realized it was the first time he’s ever cried about a book he’s read. Movies, sure, but never a book. It’s a milestone.

I’ve been thinking. What is it about a good story that makes us cry? I asked him, are you sorry that you read it since the ending was so sad? No, he is very glad he read the book. He loved it. So how does that all work? I (and most women, I think) like the Nicholas Sparks novels and the movies like Legends of the Fall, City of Angels and Steel Magnolias. They make us cry, but still we read them and watch them. We recommend them to other people. I think sad movies often mean more to us that the happy ending ones. Why?

My high-school English teacher (my muse and inspiration, a lovely woman – Ms. Franks for those of you who know her) told us that any love story with a happy ending is unrealistic. If the boy and the girl end up together, it’s not for eternity! If they don’t fall out of love (or just grow indifferent) one will eventually die and they’ll be apart. Ergo, there is always a sad ending. We just sometimes cut the film before the end.

And it’s not just sad stories that make us cry.  Sometimes we’re so overjoyed for the hero/heroine that we cry for joy.  When reading The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks, I had a combination of sadness for what was happening, and hope for the couple because the woman did occasionally remember some things.  It was just a beautiful love.  If it had wrapped up that she was miraculously healed, I wouldn’t have felt the same.

What do you think? Do you enjoy sad movies and books? Why or why not? What is the appeal? Have your kids had the sad story milestone yet? With what book?