Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith...

It appears that we might be at the end (almost) of our 10 year saga.  After this year we might actually get to go “home” to the US.  For the whole story, see my husband’s blog

However, the silly thing right now is that the US wants me to prove income high enough to support my family.  Any income source is fine (as long as it’s not from selling drugs or gambling!  And I can’t count those things, even if I reported them on my income taxes.  Go figure).  Assets work, too.  Since I have not had any income to speak of for the last 2 years (we’ve been WWOOFing and traveling all over the place, cashing in savings bonds and accepting loans from in-laws in order to get us around), that means I have to get a job in the US.  Well, it can be in Europe, but it has to continue after we return.  Huh?  The same goes for any income he gets.  It has to be in the US, or it has to be something that can continue after he gets back.  Maybe if we were doctors or worked for big companies.  No go.

It’s not that much money, especially with our assets (assets don’t count for as much).  But it requires that I leave my family and go “home”.  Only “home” is a crappy place now, full of mice and other things that have lived in it for the last two years. I also have no reliable vehicle in Arkansas, and I don’t want to be left at the mercy of any beater I could afford.  I’ve had it out with my parents, and I will never go back there.  Plus, with my lack of education, I’m not going to make much money in Arkansas.  I could probably relocate to Little Rock or Fayetteville, I believe there is a bus system up there, but that’s not where we want to live.

We’ve been looking at the west coast as a potential place to live when he’s allowed back.  Washington has a lot of good features.  Public transportation, incredible people, close to Canada, and the list goes on.  They also happen to have the highest minimum wage in the country.  Of course, that goes along with high rent and other living expenses, but I figure as a woman alone I can afford a shared apartment.  There is also a chance for making a bit of money while I WWOOF, just to get me on my feet.  I’m looking at Seattle as the Ultimate Plan, perhaps Olympia.

So I’m doing it again. I’m taking the crazy leap off the edge, plunging into the darkness with both feet.  It’s not like I’ve never done this before, I’ve just never done it without a husband.  I have to leave him behind because of his immigration status.  And I’m leaving my son with him because it will just be much easier for me to make this work without a kid.  Apartments, job schedule, not having to worry about school, paying for food and transportation, it’s all easier alone.

There are a lot of things I’m excited about, many of which involve food: cheap peanut butter, reasonable Mexican food, cheddar cheese, cottage cheese, fresh milk (not the ultrapasteurized crap in the boxes), free libraries, coupons, free samples, free events, free parades, free shipping, CHEETOS! (yes, I believe in organic food, and natural, healthy food, but there’s just something about Cheetos), stores that are open 24-7, or at least don’t close from noon to 3!  And the list goes on.

But of course there’s a downside.  Besides the fear of the unknown which accompanies every lifestyle change, there’s the whole city versus country thing.  I’m not a city girl. I don’t know my way around, what to do about homeless people asking for money.  I’ve never rented or lived in an apartment (we had a rent to own trailer…that’s a whole different story).  I’ve taken the bus a bit, but that was in Belize (where you flag down the bus by waving your arm and you get off by saying “right there!”) and in small island town Canada, where the bus went back and forth between two towns and that was about it.  I’ve made a few online friends in Seattle, but I don’t know anyone well.  Everyone I can count on on the West Coast is in Canada.  At least it’s close.  The worst thing of all is that I will most likely be away from my family for the rest of this year.  A daunting, scary thought.  Not only the sheer fact of separation, but my husband is the guiding force in our marriage.  He’s the brains of the operation.  He makes sure the bills are paid (I just buy groceries and cook dinner), he buys insurance, registers vehicles, fixes the leaky faucet and changes the oil, all the mature, responsible things.  I’ve had a job a few times, but we never depended soley on me to pay the rent and keep us from starving. What will I do without him?

The thing that really makes me mad is that this makes no sense at all.  How can my government expect me to be separated from my family like this?  Because technically they seem to have wanted him to go back to Germany after we got married and lived there until his paperwork was finished for the US.  I should have been working in the US all alone for the last 10 years while they sat with their thumbs in their ass and did nothing.  What kind of marriage is that?  I don’t understand that, and I neve have.  I don’t know of any othe county that expects its citizens to live apart from their spouses.  Most countries allow you to stay in the country while your paperwork is being finished.  In Canada, there was a number to call and talk to someone.  In Germany, we walked into an office and saw someone face to face.  Why in the US do we have a faceless paperwork system?  Faceless until they show up at your house with handcuffs.  I suppose we have issues because he was a student when we got married, but it shouldn’t be such a big deal.   We’ve lost so much through this, wasted so much of our life.

I’m also angry because the total amount of income they want, thought only 125% of the poverty line, is more than I have ever made in my life!  Arkansas had a super low minimum wage until recently (I think they’re still allowed to be a bit below the federal in certain circumstances), and we lived on the cheap.  I’m not talking clothes from wal-mart. I’m talking clothes from Goodwill.  Food from gardening and Sav-a-lot, very little eating out, and cooking from scratch.   We went to $1.00 movies and we bought $5.00 movies from Walmart.  We had used cars (paid with cash – the most expensive was only a couple thousand dollars) that we took care of ourselves, no fancy car payments.  Our rent was $175 a month.  But you can’t tell the feds that.  They want $22,000 a year. No ifs, ands, or buts.  The best job I ever had was Walmart. If I had stuck with it, I think I would have made about $19,000.  Not bad for us.  We thought we were rolling in dough.   It’s strange to try to get back “on the grid” after we’ve switched to thinking that the WWOOFing lifestyle, either as a host or a volunteer, is really the way to go.   We’ve discovered how to live cheaply and sustainably.  We just need a place to do it.  But you can’t do that in the city.

We’re hoping that after this fiasco, things will get settled.  It seems there is only the doctor’s certificate and the immigration interview left.   And they’re getting faster with their responses.  We’re hoping then we can all go home together and live there forever.  Or at least until the travel bug bites us again… Washington is so close to Canada, and the sea.